Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump!
Heart palpitating, cold-sweat forming, weak knees.
Fear takes control.
I’ve always struggled with public speaking. It’s given me goosebumps and panic attacks, and still it nags on my brain whenever I need to stand up and talk in front of a group or a crowd.
I’ve grown up in an environment where overcoming fears is necessary to become strong. My dad always told me without faith, there is fear. That would mean I have no hope, and that I don’t believe I can do it.
I always regret not doing something out of fear that I might fail or make a fool of myself. And after I have successfully avoided it, I tell myself I’ll do it next time, and I hype myself up, but when it comes to it, I freeze and avoid it.
The scale of my fear starts at talking to one person that is new. I don’t get very nervous, but as there are more and more people, I become more and more frightened. Then when it comes to a large group of 20 or more who are people I’ve never talked to before, I get extremely scared and try to avoid it as much as I can.
I remember when I was young and went to a phone store with my dad. I saw another little girl with her dad. Our dads looked at each other and encouraged us to become friends. I was just as scared as she was and passed up on the opportunity to make a new friend. After my dad and I got back in the car, I quickly regretted it and felt sad that I would never get that chance back again.
To get over this, I needed to give myself a different mindset about it. Instead of the mindset of avoiding any failure, and making people like you for being perfect, I changed it to laughing at my mistakes and treating them as a friend I’ve always had.
I’ve also noticed the more I talk to people the less frightened I get as the conversation flows on. So I’ve made a goal for myself to have at least five conversations a day with anyone I know or meet that day.
The fear I have with talking to other people has slowly decreased over the years, and I’ve felt more freedom to say what I want to say and not have that pressure of being judged or messing up.
Just two years ago, I remember having my first real conversation with an adult. I was at a garage sale and he was moving around furniture to help the person running the sale. He made a joke to himself about how much bigger the couch was, and I laughed and we started talking about it. I felt like a winner and it encouraged me to talk to more people that day.
I still have my bad days where I still don’t feel like talking to anyone or I feel a lot less social than the day before.
It still gets hard for me to find the right words to say. I am still on my path to overcoming this fear, but lately it’s only felt more like a struggle with speaking.
Fears can change overtime, and they can change for better or for worse.
Overcoming fears is different for everyone. For some it can take overnight, and for some it can take months. It’s all a matter of how long it takes to change your mindset.
